Breaking News: Oregon’s Puddles Being Investigated
Tomas has decided to share a nice little story about the Oregon Ducks mascot, “Puddles”. This story is very disturbing. Enjoy!
Since 2002, Capital One has held a mascot competition to declare the countries best. One of these mascots is now the target of a sexual abuse case that may force him to forfeit the rest of the competition. Oregon University’s duck, Puddles, was ranked 7th going into this week before this shocking news broke.
Puddles’ last five years has been a rollercoaster to say the least. With Oregon being a conference doormat historically, Puddles never cracked the top ten in the Capital One rankings. The last two years have been a change for Puddles as Oregon has been in two BCS Bowls and he finds himself in the national spotlight. Quick fame can take its tole and Puddles has had a hard time adjusting to the new culture that is Oregon. Puddles has undergone a horrible tranformation that be clearly seen in his most recent photos.
Look at this explicit pose. His eyes dilated from the binge drinking and meth. Look at the outfit, clearly designed to lure drunken sailors and boarding school children. His furry fingers devoid of fingerprints. Puddles’ story has become one of love-lost, drug addiction, northwestern ambivalence and Cliff Harris’ bong.
But the question remains…How did Puddles turn into this wide-eyed coke fiend molester? Once a Disney character, now a drug trafficking deviant who is so jacked up on pain-killers, roids, and cocaine he feels no pain doing thousands of pushups a game. Frankly, I’m not sure Puddles even knows he is at a game at this point. Longtime friend Sebastain (Miami mascot) stated that it started when Puddles started hanging out with the wrong crowd, made up of Chip Kelly recruits. He was first reported to have collaborated with Jeremiah Masoli in the stealing of student laptops from a local fraternity house. Weeks later there were conflicting reports as to his involvement in LaMichael James’ misdemeanor assault charge. And just this past summer, Puddles was riding in a car with Cliff Harris when marijuana was found.
Puddles has been fostered a culture of players that look like kids that dressed themselves for elementary school. There are no official Duck colors anymore (which doesn’t bother Puddles who is color-blind from all the blow and crying). Oregon Football is just a fashion show with ugly clothes and a 9-15 bowl record. No Heismans. No National Titles. Losing the big game in silly ass uniforms.Filed under: Featured, Sports